Alcohol Free Saturday Night - w4m - 31

I never trust people who like to tell everyone how they "don't need alcohol to have fun," daring anyone to challenge them so they can implying you are an alcoholic. Beneath their sanctimonious veneers, I feel that they are sad, bitter creatures. Plus, when you post an ad looking for non-drinking company, you are likely to spend your evening pursuing this guy's sober idea of fun: a two-person costume party.

The look of desperation in his eyes says it all.

Jordache suitcase - $20

I'm guessing that this picture represents the apex of computer-developed art and design around the time Jordache suitcases were actually sold. Then again, that timeframe may be too generous. At any rate, the real questions we should be asking are:

1. Does his cyborg arm allow the bartender a greater virtuosity in drink-mixing, or does it only make him more prone to showing off so-called "flair" techniques?
2. Is the patron at center preparing to launch into a full front bend/ass popping or some other equally-alluring dance move?
3. What exactly is Jordache's position in the market for nostalgia -- antique, collectible, retro, kitsch, or trash?

Discuss.

Bagpipes! Yes! You can learn!

For at least one person in the world, this image represents the fulfillment of all of his (or her) masturbatory fantasies. Bagpipes? Check. Impossibly inflated breasts? Check. Scottish schoolgirl outfit? Garters and pantyhose? "Edgy" tattoos? Check, check, and check. And it's illustrated in a pseudo-manga style, to boot. I did indeed learn something today--namely, that bagpipes can in fact be rendered as a vaguely yet unmistakeably sexual instrument.

Do You Have TICKLISH FEET?....GENEROUS Guy Wants To Play With Them

Oh my god, get away from my feet! What the fuck was that safe chord we agreed on anyway?

Anyone ever been with a guy with a PENIS IMPLANT

Ummm... Santa?


I was actually in a setting similar to this once. I was part of a gospel choir in Japan and we had a concert at what turned out to be a Christian missionary church in a remote part of the city. It was near Christmas, and we somehow found ourselves hanging multi-colored paper chains while this weird Australian woman asked me if I was witnessing to the other members of the choir. After our concert a line formed around me, but rather than queueing for a conga line with Santa (damn!), the hubbub was for everyone's favorite game from when recess was cancelled: telephone. This was conducted in Japanese, mind you, and I think I ended up insulting the Christians by accidently refering to Jesus as the "son of a pig." Unfortunately, I don't remember Santa being involved, but perhaps that year he was recovering from his implant surgery.

FOUR IRVING PARK CEMETERY LOTS - $4000

You know what this guy loves? Death. Or perhaps careful planning for postmortem eventualities. What I love is the file name of this picture: Staten Island Lotto. Maybe this guy is actually the Grim Reaper, and the least-appreciated borough's lottery is his modern-day scythe, mercilessly slashing the hopes and dreams of the working poor.

How will they ever afford those cemetery lots?

Looking for Clay Sculpture Lessons

This picture represents far and away the creepiest sculpture I have ever seen. Let's examine the aspects of its creepiness:
    1. "Cute" animal warped into something horrific
    2. Weird fetal-inspired pose
    3. Freakishly elongated extremities
    4. Coloring and texture reminiscent of raw flesh
    5. Lack of eyes and, possibly, any hint of a soul
I am now perhaps forever scarred by the horror clay sculpture can wreak.

just lookin to make out and suck a dick

Now if that doesn't turn you on, you must be made of stone. I believe that this is a picture of Amy Winehouse, which, really, pretty much explains everything. I do like the circle emphasizing the coke-nose, though.